just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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