while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
