You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
