smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
