one two three fourrrrnication!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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