yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
