What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
