Can Purell be used as lube?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
