Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
