There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
