Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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