handjob tips. give me some.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
