i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
