Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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