i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
