...so i touched it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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