At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
