I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
