i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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