You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
