I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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