we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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