the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
