Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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