omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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