Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ugly people sure do ruin things
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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