you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Randomize
