i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
