please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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