Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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