honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
