singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
