well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
