Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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