if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
