I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
