It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
