A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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