Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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