remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Buhtt sex?
i was born a porn star she said
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
