did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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