youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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