put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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