That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
