i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well you can't waste a boner
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
