Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
