absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
