We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
