Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
