It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
